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Tabloid-level claims from European state’s science academy not amusing to government.

Deep space aliens seeking to establish a dialog with humans have chosen Bulgaria as their diplomatic contact point, according to an official of that nation’s Academy of Scientists. The Bulgarian prime minister should be proud; that is he would be in an Ed Wood directed sci-fi movie from the 1950s. In reality, he is suitably mortified.

Claims being made by Lachezar Filipov, deputy director of the academy’s Space Research Institute, are so stupor-inducing and logically nonsequiter that the prime minister and finance minister are considering action to restrain the academy’s goofier pursuits.

How bad is it? Filipov pronounced that aliens have been watching humans for some time, and plan direct contact with us within the next 10-15 years. In the meantime, Filipov and his researchers have provided the visitors with a set of 30 questions, which the aliens are currently answering through the medium of crop circles. These formations began to appear in Bulgaria for the first time last year, though they have been popping up in the U.K. since the 1980s.

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Image by Gaspirtz, CreativeCommons.com

Filipov claims that he can now decipher messages from the circles, not just the ones recently produced in Bulgaria, but some 150 of them across the globe. Filipov has yet to say how the questions were posed, why the aliens did not respond in the same way, or how he is able to glean answers from the circles. What he has learned thus far: “They want to help us, but we have not grown enough in order to establish contact with them.”

Aliens are critical of humans’ amoral and unnatural behavior, including the use of cosmetics. They also decry our interference in nature’s processes, Filipov announced. Apparently, the aliens are liberal on environmental concerns, like little green Al Gores.

Most crop circles have appeared in Great Britain, which probably reflects the unique English sense of humor. Some Brit’s have demonstrated how two people can create the patterns using a piece of lumber and ropes, in the middle of the night.

Look for the Bulgarian government to institute reforms at the Academy of Sciences, designed to curb the excesses of screw-loose scientists.