Don’t Eat Your Cornflakes

With the state of the economy on such shaky ground, experts are advising investing in gold. What the experts missed was that your cereal is worth money, lots of money.

At least the winner of an eBay auction for a cornflake shaped like the state of Illinois thinks so. He paid $1,350. Right now you should all be opening your $5 box of Cornflakes and start counting the flakes at $1,300 dollars each and calculating what the return on your investment will be, I don’t know, maybe something to retire on. Forget the stock market.

As a child, I was a member of the cloud interpretation cult, especially on long road trips. Oh look, that one looks like a tiger, and that one looks like a tree, and the one over there that’s definitely a ladle (remember ladles?). I am now going to apply my finely honed skill to cornflakes. See ma, I knew my overly active imagination would make me rich one day. Ah, sweet retribution.

Two pioneering sisters have forged the path for my new commodities venture. Imagine their insight living in Virginia but seeing Illinois in their breakfast bowl, and then having the epiphanous moment of, “Hey, we could sell it and make lots of money.” Even better, eBay doesn’t allow food sales, so they sold a coupon for their flake; they didn’t even sell the flake itself! Genius.

The new owner realizing the fragility of his new investment will have it picked up in person, exchanging the coupon for the precious gold flake. And his goal for the purchase is not frivolous by any means; he’s a savvy investment guru who has a traveling pop culture museum that garners admission fees.

This cornflake gold transaction involved problem solving and foresight from all parties well-deserving of the final sales price. Remember that saying about teach a man to fish and feed him for a life time. Well that’s impractical in today’s world now that we can sell our cornflakes.

Please the next time you are craving that early morning bowl of crispy flakes with ice cold milk, stop. You will be foolishly eating away your future financial stability. Don’t eat; use your imagination.