The Sarah Palin Insider: Sarah Palin Goes Back to Basics with Parenting Skills
There are people out there who think that Bristol and Willow Palin have got away with their recent potty mouth exploits. Well think again. Like the mommy grizzly bear she is, Sarah Palin, will be teaching her daughters a lesson they are bound to learn. All this and more revealed in the latest tape recorded in the Palin household by the Sarah Palin Insider. This is dynamite!
Image via Wikipedia Since this picture was released in 2008 when their mommy, Sarah Palin, unsucessfully ran for Vice President of the United Stattes of America, Sarah Palin’s two eldest daughters (Bristol and Willow) have become people in their own right but they have also shown to the world that Sarah Palin is an extremely bad mother. The tape we received from the Sarah Palin Insider today addresses this problem and shows how Sarah Palin is working to put things right.
Recorded inside Sarah Palin’s home office, Alaska, the day after Bristol Palin came third in Dancing with the Stars. Sarah and Todd Palin are in the office. Todd is playing with his Nintendo while Sarah is writing her next book to follow up America by Heart. She pauses to attend to a very serious family matter and reflects upon it before taking action.
Sarah Palin(screeching at the top of her voice): Bristol Palin! Willow Palin! I want you in my office in two minutes or you are going to see me turn into a real mommy grizzly bear. Say “yay” if you understand!
Bristol Palin and Willow Palin (from their bedrooms): Yay.
Sarah Palin: Todd, go into the bathroom and get me two bars of soap and bring them back here.
Todd Palin (playing on his Nintendo): Sorry Sarah, can you say that again?
Sarah Palin (screeching again): Put that [expletive] thing down and get me two bars of soap. Now!
Todd Palin: Ouch Sarah (crying) you hurt my ears.
Sarah Palin: I’ll hurt more than your ears if you don’t get me two bars of soap from the [expletive] bathroom. Now!
Todd Palin: OK, I’m going, there’s no need to be so harsh on me, I’ve done nothing to make you angry.
Sarah Palin: Precisely Todd, you’ve done nothing. Our daughters have turned into foul mouthed trailer trash while you’ve been doing nothing.
Todd Palin: I help you with your “political career”, your books and your costumes for reality TV. I work hard. In Eskimo culture it is the moma who disciplines the children and you know I’m an Eskimo.
Sarah Palin: If you were that traditional Todd, you’d be living in an igloo and you wouldn’t have married an Alaskan beauty queen. Now, I don’t want to argue with you, so just do as you’re told before Willow and Bristol get here.
Todd Palin: Then can I get on and play Nintendo?
Sarah Palin: Just get the [expletive] soap Todd. Now Todd!
We hear Todd get up but as he is leaving the room Bristol and Willow enter the room.
Sarah Palin: Hurry up Todd. Right, you two, sit down here.
Bristol Palin: What do you want mom? I was going to go out tonight to celebrate coming third on Dancing with the Stars!
Sarah Palin: Coming third is nothing to celebrate. I forbid you to go out and you are grounded.
Willow Palin: Can I go out mommy? I wanted to meet up with my school friends.
Sarah Palin: Neither of you are going out. Instead we are going to have ourselves a little lesson.
Todd Palin (entering): Will this soap do Sarah?
Sarah Palin: I believe any soap will do. Now girls, this is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you but it is for your own good.
Bristol Palin: What do you mean mommy?
Willow Palin: Yeah mommy, what do you mean?
Sarah Palin: I mean that you two have let me down more than you know. People are a saying that if I cannot raise children properly how can I be expected to be President of the United States of America? I’m going to show them how. I believe that the only way to deal with things is a no nonsense grizzly bear way. Take them out before the take you out. Todd, I want you to put a bar of soap in Bristol’s mouth and the other in Willow’s. (sounds of a struggle and muffled protest) You will learn that it is never [expletive] right to use word like [expletive] or [expletive] and nor is it right to write down words such as [expletive] or [expletive] on FaceBooK or anywhere else.
Bristol Palin and Willow Palin: Mommy, Please no. (They continue to cry and carry on but are ignored much like poor people who need medical care)
Todd Palin: Do I have to Sarah?
Sarah Palin: Do as I say Todd or I will smash your Nintendo.
Todd Palin: Oh, OK. Hold still Bristol. Your turn Willow.
Sarah Palin: Now, with the soap in your mouths you will each drink two pints of milk. Only when you have drank it all will you be allowed to take the soap out. While you sip your milk I want you to reflect on how naughty you have been and how good you are going to be from now on. If you do not do as I say I will let a real grizzly bear punish you. When you have drank the milk we will all sing the Star Spangled Banner.
There are some strange sounds at the end of the soap. We think it is the sound of Bristol and Willow Palin glugging milk, trying not to be sick and taking their punishment. The tape is stopped as soon as Sarah, accompanied by Todd, Bristol and Willow start to sing.
Image by david_shankbone via Flickr