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After learning that Barack Obama thinks him a political lightweight David Cameron was quick to return Sarah Palin’s call. However, as the secret tape of their trans-Atlantic reveals, Cameron got more than he bargained for from the plucky woman who resigned as Alaska’s governor and failed miserably when she ran for Vice President. This is the latest instalment from the Sarah Palin insider known as Xanadu and this tape is dynamite!

The transcript starts below these pictures of those heard on the tape. Sarah Palin, Todd Palin and David Cameron. The Sarah Palin Insider is revealing more secrets about Sarah Palin and how stupid she is.

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

Setting the Scene

The following is a transcript of the tape sent from Xanadu. Xanadu is our code name for the Sarah Palin Insider. The recording was made inside Sarah Palin’s Alaskan home office. We first hear the voices of Sarah and Todd Palin and they are joined by that of David Cameron who is put on speaker phone when he calls. 

Sarah Palin: Todd, if you want to stay in here while David calls you can make yourself useful and massage my feet.

Todd Palin: But Sarah, your feet smell.

Sarah Palin: How dare you say such an evil thing Todd. Your name might rhyme with God but you are nothing like Him.

Todd Palin: You wouldn’t ask God to massage your smelly feet

Sarah Palin: Excuse me Todd but I do not like it when you talk like that. Remember how you are if I turn into Grizzly Bear? And, anyway, my Lord, Jesus Christ massaged the feet of that woman and she was of ill repute.

Todd Palin: You’re wrong, she massaged his feet with her hair.

Sarah Palin: Well that just aint going to happen!

Todd Palin: But

Sarah Palin: But nothing Todd. You do as you’re told or you’ll go the way of that trooper. (The sound of the office telephone ringing)

Todd Palin: But

Sarah Palin: But nothing Todd! Answer the telephone and pretend like you’re my secretary, then get down on your knees and massage my feet as I, not you, will be talking to the British Prime Minister, David Cameron. 

Todd Palin: (answering the phone). Sarah Palin’s office, how may I direct your call? (Silence).

Sarah Palin: Put him on speaker phone for the love of God. Hello, hello, David is that you?

David Cameron: This is David Cameron, I am the Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

Sarah Palin: Hi David, I didn’t know you had invaded Ireland.

David Cameron: Yes but quite some time ago. We own the top of Ireland. It is a bit like the United States owning a bit of Cuba.

Sarah Palin: We own part of Cuba? Wow!

David Cameron: Indeed. Well Sarah, it would be great to chat like this all evening but I must get off. I’m busy bringing in measures to limit the numbers of the poor who can get a decent education.

Sarah Palin: Oh yes but I called you for a particular reason.

David Cameron: What is that?

Sarah Palin: I understand you have Julian Asingsong in custody in Great Britain?

David Cameron: You mean Julian Assange?

Sarah Palin: I mean the man who Obama is allowing to live and who is as dangerous as Saddam Hussein when he was alive?

David Cameron: Have to hurry you, what about him?

Sarah Palin: I want him rendered and brought to me in Alaska.

David Cameron: Can’t do that Sarah.

Sarah Palin: (her voice reaching its screechiest) What do you mean you can’t do that? You will do that. You will do what I tell you. I have the full support of the Tea Party. We are the real Americans and we will one day soon rule America and by defo or something like that the world!

David Cameron: default

Sarah Palin: It is not my fault. You’ll do what I say, you hear me Cameroon. I aint no red neck I’m a grizzly bear and I own a gun. Don’t forget what happened to John Lennon

David Cameron: Lovely to talk, we must catch up soon. Good night. (the telephone call is ended from the UK)

Sarah Palin: He is so stupid. It is morning, not evening. Todd, trim my toenails while you are down there.