And here we go again.  Earlier this week, Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus bit the dust as well.  Not a good week to be a female pop musician, apparently; they’re dropping like flies.  Earlier this year there were a rash of these fake celebrity deaths as well, as the likes of Eminem and Jeff Goldblum took the spill.

     These have been something of a staple since the inception of the internet, but since the week when we lost Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon, it seems like we’re getting one every few days.

     So why is it?  Are we just a sad, morbid society who sits and waits for our celebrities to fall?  I think it’s simpler than that.  We bore far too easily.  We don’t want to be troubled with the mundane everyday happenings; apparently war, genocide, and major political meltdown all over the damn place aren’t nearly interesting enough.  We need to create our own fantasy news.

     So go on, as you were.  Just another false alarm here.  You have to feel bad for the next celebrity who really goes, though.  The way the media and internet cry wolf, no one’s going to believe it.

     Perhaps we just live in a fantasy world fueled by media, or perhaps we as the TiVo nation simply have an attention span so short that we have to manufacture our own news. Whatever the reason, the stories of celebrities who have cheated death in this manner is entertaining.  It’s what we do, right?

     But upon further investigation, it would appear there is actual serious documentation:

video proof

more proof

the motive

     It all makes sense, if you look at it.  New tour, dying career, fear of failure.  All it took is dying to suddenly make him one of the most loved people in the world again.  So, according to online sources, expect a ‘revival’ from the King of Pop in the near future.  In the meantime, he will continue to stay hidden in the most exclusive of resorts, with a few other fairly well known artists; namely Elvis, 2pac, and Biggie Smalls.

The truth is I’m rather amused by the epidemic of cell phones. When I was in school, you needed a job so you could afford to buy some old clunker. You were nothing without a car. Some kids needed a job to buy weed. Nowadays, teenagers need one to get the newest iphone. Not that long ago, when I would see somebody hiding in the backroom of the restaurant, face to the wall looking down; I automatically assumed they were stealing food. Now I walk by without even thinking twice. I know they’re sending a text.

The latest phones have full internet access … wow! By itself, the internet is an astounding thing but now you marry it up with a cell phone, that’s truly remarkable. As a writer, I suppose, it works in my favor. At work, I mentioned my new column to a friend. She whipped out her iphone, pulled it up and walked off reading. Later I saw her moving down the alley, phone shoved up in her face, laughing and muttering, “Michael Jackson was scarier alive.” That’s from my ‘Go Ahead and Scare Me’ column.

I could write dozens of editorials, pro and con, about cell phones. The other day I was at the grocery store and had just made it up to the register. The clerk started to scan my items, and then stopped for about forty-five seconds to answer a text. I remember thinking … Really?

Today’s I was inspired by a new application available for iphone called ‘Date Check’. I think the name says it all. There was a Seinfeld episode where Elaine finds out her favorite form of birth control is about to go off the market. She buys up all the remaining contraceptive sponges in town and before every date, she puts her potential new boyfriend through a grueling series of questions. If he didn’t meet up to standard, she would tell him, “I’m sorry. We’re never going to be able to have sex so I don’t see the point.”

Can you imagine how a modern day version of this scene might play out? A guy comes knocking on your door. You invite him in. He asks you what movie you want to go see. You answer, “Well, before we get to that, can we talk about this credit score of yours? How’d that happened?”

I don’t know, maybe in today’s society it’s not a bad thing. The world is full of serial murders, missing women, stalkers, and date rape. Perhaps having the ability to know more about someone is good. On the surface, though, you have to admit, it looks a bit ludicrous.

It makes me wonder how we are evolving as a species. I was at a table, attempting to take a dinner order, but I couldn’t seem to get one person’s attention long enough to find out what he wanted to eat. Finally, his mother leaned over to me and whispered, “He’s texting.”

“Oh,” I responded. I moved on to the next person and ran into the same problem. “You’re not texting each other are you?” I was joking but both heads nodded. “Why?” I asked.

“So no one knows what we’re saying,” was the answer I got.

Are we going to lose the ability to be surprised, to follow our gut instinct, or even have a meaningful private conversation without typing one out with our opposable thumbs? Technology is a good thing. Cell phones improve our lives but they shouldn’t stunt our growth. Watch the news and see how many stories involve the misuse of cell phones. My recent favorite is the kid who went to jail for text related sexual encounters termed sexting. I want to live in a world where common sense dictates our actions. It’s probably an impossible dream but I can hope and I guess I can always write about it. That’s what I do.

Find out more about me on darlaferrara.com.
Till next time … Peace
Darla

The question I have to ask is Can you go too far with it? Normally, I would probably say no, not really. Yesterday I would have told you there are no limits. If you enter a haunted house, expect the unexpected. Then I read the article about the dead celebrities display at Kings Island in Mason Ohio.

This summer is called ‘The Summer of Death’ by the media. We have lost a number of famous icons, Patrick Swayze, Michael Jackson, Ed McMahan, and Farrah Fawcett, just to name a few.

The images displayed at the Halloween show for Kings Island crosses the line, in this writer’s opinion. I think a good example of that is the skeleton sitting on a couch wearing a number 9 jersey and holding a Titan helmet, the top blown off. Lying across his lap is the skeleton of his deadly mistress, Sahel Kazemi.

So, if you ask me today, Can you really go too far? I wouldn’t have thought so but now my answer is a resounding, “Yes, you can.” I’m sure the effigy of Jeffrey Dahmer will appear in many haunted displays this year, as well as Lizzie Borden and John Wayne Gacy. The difference should be obvious to anyone with a soul. Jeffrey Dahmer was a serial killer, Farrah Fawcett died of cancer. I don’t want to see a skeleton posed to depict her famous 1970’s poster. For God’s sake, she was one of Charlie’s Angels, have some respect.

I’m not scared by seeing a boney Michael Jackson dressed in pajamas, well not anymore then I was when the original picture came out. I loved Michael Jackson but lets face it, he was a lot more scary alive.

What does frighten me these days is the lack of humanity we show as a species. The question I’d really like to ask is; “Whose idea was this?” Perhaps you’d like to explain your thinking to Steve McNair’s mother or to Farrah Fawcett’s son. When I walk into a haunted house, I want to be attacked by Chucky. I’d give that murdering doll a serious beat down. What I don’t want to see is the dead Ed McMahan introducing the skeleton of Johnny Carson. I can’t give Johnny a beat down, there’s no fun in that.

I think it’s safe to say the public agrees with me. Kings Island has decided to pull their Celebrity haunt. Apparently, cooler heads and an angry public have prevailed. Good riddance, I say. Go back to scaring me the old fashion way. Chase me around wearing a mask, carrying with a rubber butcher knife.

The report said that old people, who cost the NHS £140 billion each year, could do far more to save taxpayers’ money by confronting teenage gangs and accepting the consequences.

Suicide-By-Teenager, a local scheme backed by parents and guardians in Liverpool, has proved far more cost-effective in controlling teenage violence than increased surveillance cameras and policing.

Research has shown that when teenage gangs are confronted by old people they are far less likely to stab each other because they will stab the old person instead saving the hard-pressed NHS and the taxpayer a fortune.

Experts have warned that if old people do not take up the Suicide-By-Teenager scheme in the next ten years, today’s generation will be faced with a huge bill. The report suggests that the billions saved in care for the old could then be channeled into improved fertility, maternity and nursery care.

Unlike previous generations, old people today have never had it so good, with full employment throughout their working lives, second home ownership, and NHS care right through birth to death.

Previous old people never enjoyed such benefits, suffering the misery of the 1930s when there was no NHS, widespread unemployment, and two world wars destroyed homes which had no toilets.

The report centres on US research that proves that teenagers need a focus in their young lives, and a complaining old person often gives them that much-needed focus. Old people often have no living parents and their relatives don’t care, so there is little risk of complaints when they are stabbed.

Experts using advanced computerized techniques have proved that the life of an old person is worth far less than that of a young person who has their life ahead of them.

The report concludes that teenagers need the sense of worth that belonging to a dangerous gang can give them. Stabbing an old person is a much better outlet for natural teenage aggression and improves valuable life skills such as social bonding from an early age.

Almost all teenagers who are stabbed have never been involved in gang violence before, and this needs to change. Experts suggest that joining a dangerous gang, getting drunk and being stabbed is a direct result of old people not getting involved.

Fears that the new runway, which is desperately needed to reduce airport congestion, would create motorway gridlock were quashed by experts who proved that with more families being able to fly out of Heathrow, use of 4WDs will actually drop while they’re away.

Fears that an increase in pollution might cause Britain’s air quality to fail European standards were quashed by the report that showed that when all else fails, the M4 can be encased in a precast concrete tunnel to trap escaping gases. Scientists pointed out that people travelling inside the tunnel will be breathing high quality air.

Fears that airline revenues will fall were quashed by the report which revealed that when planes are no longer circling the airport waiting for the runway to be built, more planes will be able to fly out thus ensuring revenues will remain high for many years until a fourth runway is needed, and so on.

Recession turns burgeoning seed

business into ‘giant business’

OREGON — As the recession deepened further last month, families turned to backyard agriculture as a proven way to put fresh fruits and vegetables on the dinner table. Neighborhood nurseries and the seed industry witnessed the biggest boon in sales as families looked for frugal, environmentally friendly ways to maintain a well-balanced diet and avert temptations to fast food.

However, the agrarian fad sweeping through neighborhoods resulted in some unexpected growth in tertiary markets as well.

Elise Jimenez of Growers Corner, Ala. noticed something amiss in her backyard garden.

“I woke up one morning and looked in the backyard,” she recollected, “and I saw a giant beanstalk going all the way up into the clouds.”

With the sharp increase in seed planting going on across the country, a certain percentage of these seeds carried recessive genes and alleles belonging to the family of giant beanstalks. These beanstalks, popularized by folklore and, in particular, the story “Jack and the Beanstalk”, found the perfect environment in which to grow.

“There are no natural predators, so the beanstalks are able to grow all the way up to the evil giants’ kingdom,” warned one horticulturalist.

David Corn, a government horticulturist and avid kite-flyer added, “I’m not surprised by the sudden increase in giant beanstalks. You really have to think about genetics and statistics…the more bean stalks you plant, the greater the likelihood of [giant beanstalks].”

As one might expect, the increase in giant beanstalks correlated with an increase in missing children last month, according to local and Federal government databases.

“Giants have been stealing and eating our children,” cried Mary Monroe, 36, of Dearbourne, Id., who runs an orphanage.

Only a handful of children have been suspected victims of these evil giants. Most of the children who made the attempt to climb the beanstalks suffered from various degrees of mental retardation and fell back to earth long before reaching the kingdom. Still, parents faced the arduous task of educating their children to the potential dangers of evil giants.

As one parent explained,”[children] these days, they don’t care. They’ll climb the beanstalk just to be in defiance of their parents.”

Other parents warned that the giants might be tricking their children into making the climb.

“I saw an evil giant on my son’s MySpace account,” recalled one father. “I made him delete [the giant], but I’m willing to bet the farm that they still talk.”

When asked about the reputation they have been garnering over the last few months, a spokesgiant for the evil giant kingdom replied, “We’re evil giants who feed on children. There’s not too much mystery behind what we do. We eat your kids.”

The spokesgiant added that trickery and technology were not out of the question when it came to feeding on children.

“We are in a situation where the economy has helped our cause, and we’re willing to use any and all methodologies at our disposal to get your children to climb up the beanstalk. We will blog, tweet, and Skype at the same time if we have to.”

The U.S. Department of Defense placed responsibility onto local governments in the destruction of the giant beanstalks.

As one local representative noted, “We are finding the task of beanstalk destruction to be nearly impossible. As soon as we chop one down, another one springs up…we simply don’t have the resources to stop [the beanstalks]. “

The Federal government promised to investigate the matter further and vowed to allocate additional resources to local governments in need of assistance.

***Sneuters News Wire is a parody service that reheats current events with a twist.  References to the likeness of any non-public-figure individuals, living or dead, are purely coincidental.

A perplexing question, for sure, and one that has bewildered great thinkers the world over.  Because most chickens are incapable of intelligible speech, it is quite difficult to assign motive to their curious movements across paths and roads.  In a recent survey of 1526 Leghorns, researchers were disheartened to find that not a single Leghorn could give a plausible reason for crossing the road.  However, according to scientists at Oklahoma State University, the Leghorn is a small, spritely bird that likes to move about, so asking them the question would be like asking a policeman why he ate the doughnut; a pointless exercise. 

The San Diego Chicken was recently asked the question, to which he replied, “To get to the other side.”  But, of course, as Chuck Palahniuk, the American satirist once quipped…“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”  Therefore, the chicken’s response cannot responsibly be taken as a satisfactory answer to the question since, well, the San Diego Chicken is just a man with a few feathers stuck up his butt.  So the question still lingers.  Why did the chicken cross the road?

In the last several decades, evolutionary ecologists and biologists have suggested that much animal behavior is based on a benefit-cost ratio (BCR).  In other words, an animal will carry out some activity if the benefit of the activity outweighs the cost or potential cost of the activity.  In the case of the chicken crossing the road, the benefit of crossing the road must outweigh the cost of crossing the road.  As the cost and benefit is often calculated calorically, it might be beneficial to address both the cost and benefit in that manner. 

First of all, to run across a large road (abt. 30 yards) a slightly obese human of about 250 lbs. expends approximately 17 calories.  Using basic math skills taught by the Idaho System of Public Education, it would seem that an animal one tenth the size of said human would need to take at least ten times the number of steps to cover the same distance, thus expending 170 calories to cross the same road.  If the cost of losing one’s life on the front windshield of a 1998 Ford F150 is factored in, then the caloric value of the item on the other side of the road would have to be at least twice the value of the calories expended and would have to be small enough to be consumed and handled by the chicken.  Research carried out for this article suggests that the only item of 340 calories that small is a large crème-filled doughnut.  While it is certain that some chickens cross the road to consume large crème-filled doughnuts, it is unlikely that enough random crème-filled doughnuts line the roads, paths and by-ways to account for all of the crossings (and it must be stated that policemen often compete for the random doughnuts found on such by-ways).  Hence, there must be another plausible answer.

In a recent conference on the question, Professor Tenille Buttersworth, a noted poultry movement expert, suggested the possibility that chickens were crossing roads not only to get to the other side (as the San Diego Chicken posited), but that they were crossing roads to access hotter, sexier chickens.  Professor Buttersworth noted the predominance of green grass stains on the legs of chickens thought to be more mobile.  While not conclusive, this observation may suggest that the grass is not only greener on the other side of the fence, but also on the other side of the road.  To date, a test has not been conducted to quantify or qualify the relative sexiness of chickens on either side of the road, but the suggestion that massive quantities of roosters might cross the road to access hot, little hens is, indeed, plausible.

In the end, however, the question is still puzzling.  Might they be escaping oppression and confinement on their side of the road?  Might they be daredevils challenging their own inescapable fate?  Might they be looking for open fields in which to practice the chicken dance?  We may never know.  Hey, look, there’s a crème-filled doughnut right there.

Please be aware that your boss may exhibit one or two of the attributes listed below and still be human.  Perhaps they were once normal but were abducted during a business trip and the exposure to Alien technology or society imprinted negatively on their personality.  If this is the case, your boss may eventually regain his or her normal personality, but it will take time for their conscious and sub-conscious minds to readjust to life in human society.

If, however, your boss exhibits several of the oddities mentioned in this article, your boss may in fact be an Alien.  The first step that you need to take is to not panic; make sure that you have ample proof that your boss is an Alien before going to your co-workers with the information.  Fortunately, it is much easier to spread this knowledge with others than it was several decades ago thanks to such documentary films as The X Files, Species, Men In Black and What Planet Are You From?  If you have another co-worker who also has voiced suspicion that your boss is an Alien, the two of you can and should go through the list below together.

Your Boss is Never Seen Without a Bluetooth or Wireless Headset

This is a classic tell-tale sign that your boss is an Alien.  The common use of headsets in humans has made it much easier for Aliens to remain in constant contact with their Pod Leader or Mother Ship.  A human will enjoy the use of Bluetooth or Wireless headsets while driving, or while working on a project that requires both hands (i.e. molding clay, working with plants or model building), but an Alien will continue use of the headset throughout the day even when it is clearly not necessary.  In extreme cases they will use the headset in one ear, but be listening on a different phone with the other which clearly shows that the headset is not for human-to-human communication.

Test: Hide your boss’s headset in the file-room and observe.  If he goes into a panic, rage or is rendered incapable of functioning then it is clear that the headset is used for contact to his Alien leader.

Your Boss Doesn’t Have any Personal Affects in his/her Workspace

One glaring evidence of your boss’s lack of humanity is if he has no personal items on his desk or on the walls of his office.  Humans by nature will spend the entire time that they are at work wishing that they were somewhere else; this is commonly publicized by humans with photos of family, posters depicting images of the outdoors and coffee mugs that read, “I wish I were fishing”.

Test: Go into your boss’s office when he isn’t there and make a list of any personal items.  If he has less than 5 personal items, the pictures of family on the desk are not HIS family, the items in his office show his affinity for breeding miniature dogs (unaffected humans tend to prefer the full-sized version of everything), or his daily coffee mug has the company logo on it then your boss may be an Alien posing as human.

Your Boss Attends out-of-town Meetings or Conferences Twice a Year or More

If your boss tends to take several out-of-town business meetings each year, he may actually be returning to his home-planet or Mother Ship to visit his family and friends.  Aliens are a very social species in their own right, and often need to take some time to get back in touch with their more advanced civilization so as not to get sucked into our less sophisticated society.

Test: If your boss comes back from his trip invigorated, empowered and full of encouragement, then he probably spent some time with his own.  This is doubly proven when he immediately schedules a staff-meeting to share with you what he has learned while he was away, particularly if the topics discussed involve working together more effectively as a team or changes in company policy.

Your Boss Appears out of Nowhere and Without Warning

Teleportation is not a new concept for Alien races.  Because of their higher brain functions and understanding of the unlimited ability to manipulate time and space, they are able to move through the office within the blink of an eye.  If you are working on a project alone and suddenly look up to see your boss looming above you but did not hear her enter the room, it is very possible that she is using Teleportation as a daily function.  Because this method of transport is so effortless for them, Aliens often forget that to blend in effectively they must adapt to walking.

Test: Go into an unused room in the office, and spend a couple of hours there.  This occasion away from your workspace will also allow you ample time to write out your theory of why you believe your boss to be an Alien, citing any activities that correspond with the points in this article.  If your boss suddenly appears wanting to know what you are doing, and why you aren’t at your desk, this is clear proof of Teleportation and possibly also Telepathy if she somehow is aware that you are not working on a business-related project (you may want to practice blocking your thoughts if this happens.  Contrary to popular belief, Tin-Foil is not effective in blocking brain-waves so you will need to enlist the help of an experienced Meditation expert to learn how to empty your mind and push away mental distractions).

Your Boss Becomes Confused When Confronted with Emotion

When you burst into tears because your boss has infiltrated your mind and overwhelmed you with his Telepathic abilities, a human would console you and empathize with your distress.  An Alien, however, will not.  If your boss reacts with a confused expression, asks you to go back to your desk, finish out the day and then walks away (taking with her the pad of paper with all of your notes), then your boss is exhibiting typical Alien behavior.

Test: Run after her, grab the pad and then run back to your desk.  If your boss appears confused, calls security or yells after you that running in the building and stealing company property (the pad has the company logo on it) is against company policy then your boss is almost definitely an Alien.

Your Boss is Obsessed with Surveillance

If you get pulled into a conference meeting with your boss and a member of Human Resources (which is a very Alien department name.  If everyone in the office were Human, then the department would simply be called “Resources”) this is your boss demonstrating the power and reach of his surveillance abilities.  You will find that your employee folder is full of facts and details about your daily life and habits including doctor’s notes, when you took your last vacation and notes from every one-on-one meeting you’ve ever had with your boss.

Test: During this meeting, ask them how many times you have called in sick to work.  If they have a number readily available along with a list of dates and times for each of your absences then you can be assured that your boss has had you under strict surveillance for some time.

Your Boss sends you to training courses, team-building exercises or to motivational lectures more than once a year

When Aliens feel that we humans are floundering, they will often suggest that we take a course to “correct” our shortcomings.  When we are disorganized, unproductive, unresponsive or distracted they send us to courses with titles like:  Managing Time Effectively; Creating New Leads; Maintaining Focus And Success!  Beware: these courses are actually group brain-washing sessions by leaders of the Alien Pod.  Their goal is to make you feel like you WANT to be organized, productive, responsive and focused – which we all know humans do NOT want to do.

Test: Tell your boss that you are planning on taking that particular day off to go Sailing.  If he is human he will laugh and say something about how no human enjoys sailing but you can have the day off anyway.  If he is Alien, he may threaten to demote or terminate you if you do not attend the course.

Your Boss has never been seen entering, leaving or using the bathroom

It was proven in the mid-50s in a secret study done by the U.S. Government that Alien races do not urinate or defecate the way humans do.  It is not immediately clear how they rid their bodies of waste (although theories are that waste is turned to a fume which escapes through the mouth and is commonly mistaken by humans as halitosis), but the study clearly showed that use of a commode was not necessary for the Aliens being observed. 

Test: Brew a fresh pot of coffee in the morning, and re-fill your boss’s mug throughout the day.  Enlist Ted in the cubicle across from the bathrooms to monitor the doors for the duration of his shift.  You should also enlist Betty who sits across from Ted so that you can compare their notes in tandem and ensure that you have accurate data.

Your Boss makes several trips to the bathroom each day

Contrary to Proof #8, overuse of the bathroom can also be a sign that your boss is an Alien, particularly if your boss does not have a Bluetooth or Wireless headset.  Prior to the widespread use of wired cellular headsets in the mid 1990s and the now rampant use of wireless headsets of today, Aliens used to have communication pods installed in workplace restrooms.  This was evidenced by the fact that Aliens would always wait to use the same commode even when others were available, and then they would sing or whistle while in the stall (both seem to be how Aliens code their communications, so be wary if your boss sings and whistles throughout the day – he may be trying to communicate in his native tongue).  If your boss does this, it is possible that his connection with his Mother Ship has been lost and he is trying to use the more stable Commode Signal to report his whereabouts and activities.

Test: Do NOT provide your boss with coffee, tea or soda for the day.  Once again, enlist Ted and Betty to tally how many times your boss goes to the bathroom, and time the length of the visits.  If Betty thinks this is weird, explain to her that the Commode Signal is a dial-up connection and so the communication will take a minimum of 10 minutes because of reduced band-width. 

Your Boss enjoys it when others suffer

In the field of Alien Studies, there are two common theories as to why Aliens are here on earth.  The first is that they are here to learn about us as a race and live peacefully with us once we have evolved enough to accept their advanced technology, and the second theory is that they are planning world invasion and extermination of our species.  Unfortunately, it appears that Aliens enjoy watching humans suffer, and so that has led me to believe the latter theory to be true. 

Test: If you go to your next review or meeting with your boss and he spends the entire hour yelling at you for being unproductive, wasting time by working with Ted and Betty on unauthorized projects and breaking company policy by stealing his coffee mugs and throwing out all the drinks in the employee lounge, causing you great discomfort; then at the end of the meeting he pats you on the back and thanks you for taking the time to discuss these “issues” – he is definitely an Alien.

 I hope that this accumulation of common Alien activity will help you to identify if your boss is indeed an Alien, or just a strangely affected human.  If you find that your boss is Alien, unfortunately the options that you have available are limited.  You can either seek employment elsewhere (although Aliens tend to infiltrate Management at roughly 98.5% of companies worldwide), or you can continue going to work each day while trying to keep from being sucked into the brainwashing affects that spending 40 hours a week with an Alien collective will bring.  Regardless of which decision you make, be wary of how you use your newfound knowledge since your boss and Human Resources know where you live, how much money you make, where you bank and how many dependents you have.  With immense knowledge comes the duty to responsibly and selectively educate those around you without bringing harm to yourself, family or friends.

**Authors Note: Do not, under any circumstances share this article with your boss.  An inherent trait of any Alien or any human affected by Alien behavior is a lack of sense of humor.  Any administrative write-up, dismissal or suspension resulting from circulation of this article is absolute proof that there is Alien activity in your place of business.

Check out more articles by this author:

What to Do When You are Being Downsized
Gifts for Him: 10 Gifts That Will Make Him Think You Are The Coolest Chick Ever
A Winter Wonderland – Or is it?

The top ten tips for doing a great job and getting the promotion you deserve.

Is this the typical behavior of the CEO of the company you work for? Mastering the art described in this video is the number 1 prerequisite for obtaining an MBA and subsequently running a company to perfection.

Helping the Poor Guy on the Street

Source

Will you give the guy in the street money if he is predicting the future? Well governments around the world is giving the guy in Wall street money for predicting the future!

Teaching our Kids about Money

Source

Hey guys, have a look at everything you can do with one dollar. Kid asks question:  What is that part called savings?

Answer: That is the part of your money you give to the government so we can have banks.

Taking out a Loan

Source

I would like to take out a loan to pay for my child’s education. This is really all we can give you at the moment due to the financial difficulty the world is currently in. What about the part that is behind your back? That part is for the private chartered jet for the CEOs of the Motor companies to fly to Washington so they can beg congress for more money.

Taking out a Mortgage

Source

Honey, do you really think we can afford this? The monthly payment is $50 000 a month. I’m sure the bank will give us a mortgage, I just got a raise to $50 000 a year.

Ready to Buy a New Car

Source

Americans are just embracing the thought of driving a more economical car. That is probably why the American Car market is collapsing creating an opportunity for the lesser evil; fighting the big fight against global warming and climate change.

The Economic Turmoil

Source

We are really at the bottom. We can’t go any lower.

The “Post-Racial Era”

Source

Racial issues are a thing of the past, just look America has a black president now.

Where is Africa?

Source

Africa is a place to get oil, gold, diamonds and uranium.

Pirates are Only in the Movies

Captain Jack Sparrow earns $150Million high jacking oil tankers off the Somalian coast.

This is the beginning of an article I really despised writing.