Britney Spears: The New Michael Jackson?

Attention America! The new Michael Jackson is not Chris Brown. It’s actually former pop Princess Britney Spears. Why do I say this you ask? All the clues are there, but no one seems to have put them together.

Take for instance the essential religious status both pop icons achieved in their heyday. What kid wasn’t influenced by MJ (at least behind closed doors) in the 1980s? The man presented pop-culture dance phenomena with the moonwalk and robot stretching the limits of the entertaining industry. Rather than simply inventing new dance moves, Jackson made a push for racial equality by airing the first music video on MTV by a black musician. Among many notable successes Jackson has been labeled the best entertainer of all time, meanwhile he has become one of the creepiest men on the planet.

Unfortunately for Michael, his life choices have not often furthered his popularity. While he has donated to many charities, invited terminally and chronically ill children to his Neverland Ranch to enjoy the many wonders a child dreams of experiencing, he has also made some questionable choices. The seemingly endless cosmetic surgeries, the dangling baby incident, veiling his children’s faces, and the alleged child molesting are all examples of choices that have cost the King of Pop mountains of popularity.

So why is Britney the new Michael? Ms. Spears has attained the same pop icon status Mr. Jackson has in her era, influencing young girls to pigtail their hair, put on outfits fit for a porn star, and scream at the top of their lungs. Her records sold have totaled nearly 75 million worldwide making her the eighth best selling female artist of all-time. She revamped the “bubblegum pop” we hadn’t heard since New Kids on the Block. The girl made hits out of songs with lyrics that read like 4th grade love notes (this of course excludes her later catalogue) which in it of itself is a work art considering the material she had to work with.

She’s also reinvented her image from “nice little southern girl” to “dime store hooker” (see MJ reinventing his image to resemble a 35 year old white woman), driven with her baby in her lap (see the child dangling incident), and has allegedly had sex with Kevin Federline (now who does that honestly?). These are simply facts that may clue us in as to where Britney may be going. So, since we’ve gotten this far, why not speculate?

Where could the former Princess of Pop be headed in her tumultuous journey from stardom to deadbeat-hood? Assuming our correlation is correct, she’s bound to end up standing on the roof of a limo celebrating her acquittal of child neglect charges.

Should we expect to see Britney turning into a jerry curled black man any time soon? It’s not out of the question, so long as she decides to keep all of her hair this time. One career has fallen off the face of the earth in the past five years and we are in amid another downfall of pop royalty. The similarities are there, the only question is whether Britney will be making an amusement park to entice K-Fed and the boys back into her life.

At this point, anything’s possible.