Conspiracy Theorists Rejoice – Michael Jackson Has Arrived

The conspiracy theory is an exotic cocktail full of distorted views of reality, wild unsubstantiated assumptions mixed with inaccurate reporting, boredom and a subverted paranoid imagination. In recent times conspiracy theorists have been kept busy with the death of Diana, Princess of Wales and the horrific events of 911 but it is the dawn of a new era and the self proclaimed King of Pop has unwittingly helped open the floodgates for all kinds of outrageous claptrap.

 It is only a matter of time before the rumour mill starts to churn out conspiracy gem after conspiracy gem. Out of all the theories two of them will be glaringly obvious and stand out from the rest. The first will claim Michael Jackson is not really dead and the second, having accepted his death, will claim he was murdered.

In the years to come sightings of Michael Jackson will plague the tabloids. People desperate for attention and most likely a quick buck will claim they saw him flipping burgers in a greasy diner or cracking wise on a CB radio behind the wheel of a truck hauling crate loads of inflatable dolls or frozen peas, its Elvis sightings for the MTV generation. Unfortunately many fans, unable to cope with the death of their idol, bypass grief and settle for ‘he must have faked his own death’ as a coping mechanism. More than any other celebrity Jackson’s lifestyle is rife with theory fodder; his penchant for dressing himself and his children in bizarre disguises, his many eccentricities and of course his child like Fortress of Solitude The Neverland Ranch. The fact that in the past Jackson utilised impersonators as decoys and to allegedly pose as him at certain press conferences will only help to fan the flames of suspicion.

Another way to focus grief is to play the blame game. Natural causes or stress is not a strong enough focus for anger, conspiracy theorists need a patsy, someone to blame, someone with an identity which is why the murder theory enjoys such popularity. In the case of a megastar such as Jackson theorists will play detective and try to work out who gains from his death and who has the means. Anyone associated with Jackson will be microscopically analysed from family, agents and managers to personal physicians, lovers and friends. Any irregularities in character or vocational blemishes will be isolated, enlarged, dramatised, deconstructed and then reconstructed to fit a warped theory. If someone had a strained relationship with the deceased that would be counted as motive, this is detective work for those who like to dismiss the bleeding obvious and ignore the facts. Expect bodyguards, paramedics, his father, siblings, his monkey, Elizabeth Taylor, Diana Ross, Uri Geller, Macaulay Culkin and every Scout leader in the country to be implicated in his alleged murder.

Then there are the conspiracy theories that are so outlandish you’d have to be a couple of apples short of a fruit basket to give them any kind of credence. No doubt someone who has watched E.T. one too many times will claim Michael Jackson didn’t die but actually returned to his sequined home world where everyone moonwalks, grabs their crotch and talks like a prepubescent child. Or the theory that Michael, fed up with the status Quo killed his sister and is now living the life of Janet Jackson.       

These conspiracy theories are ridiculous to the core but one thing is for sure, when your life is shrouded in mystery it’s inevitable your death will be open to interpretation. Only time will tell how bizarre the theories will get but you can bet there’ll be some real sizzlers.