MTV Video Music Awards 2011: Bieber Loves Jesus,Beyonce’s Pregnant and Katy Perry Wore a Box

I have heard a lot of people complain about the quality of this year’s VMA. I watched it live for the first time ever, so I’m just glad I got to see it. I enjoyed it. Thank God and Jesus for MTV.

So, in random order, let’s dig right into it:

First of all, Lady Gaga’s opening performance was great. She gave everything she had, top-notch.

Actually, it wasn’t even Lady Gaga. It was Jo Calderone. Gaga showed up as her alter-ego Jo, and stayed that way throughout the night. I thought that was epic. Some people were rather dissapointed because they expected something else of her. Here’s how I see it, though:

1) Everybody expected her to show up in some crazy outfit, where maybe pigeons would fly out of her hair and skulls would be worn as an evening dress.

BOOM!

She showed up as a plain dude. Black suit, white T-shirt and shoes.

2) Everybody expected her to go through like 5 outfits that night.

BOOM!

She was Jo all night.

3) I am POSITIVE that Nicki Minaj wore her crazy outfit because she thought she’d bring some competition to Lady Gaga. So she showed up wearing stuffed animals and whatnot.

BOOM!!!

She looked plain stupid. There WAS no Lady Gaga. Who knew?

Once again, unpredictable. Lady Gaga came as a guy so plain and regular, people were pissed. All hail Jo Calderone. I thought it was motherf***ing Epic. It made me love her even more. I love both of them now. Two awards won, “Best Video with a Message” (no goddamn contest, it was the best one of the nominees) and “Best Female Video”. Paws up for her!

Adele and Justin Bieber’s faces during Jo’s “You and I” performance were priceless. Adele looked scared. Bieber looked emasculated. Yep, there you have it, Lady Gaga seemed like more of a man than he is. Again, epic.

Speaking of Justin Bieber, during the pre-show we learn that his snake’s name is Johnson. And whom other better fit as the interviewer to talk about his snake than Selena Gomez, his girlfriend? That was an awkward moment even for her. And funny at the same time. I mean I laughed, so what the hell, it’s the VMAs, how sober must you be?

Justin Bieber won “Best Male Video”, the best part was his acceptance speech. He thank NOT ONLY GOD, BUT ALSO JESUS !! Because people don’t thank Jesus anymore, so he thought he’d step up and do something about it. The Holy Spirit must have been pissed for letting it out. And the fans.

Rebecca Black was also invited to the VMAs, she made it, she said it was like a dream come true, she was happy and couldn’t believe that “Friday” brought her there.

And neither could I.

Katy Perry tweeted a few hours before the show that she was on tequila, probably to calm herself down and not be so nervous. And tequila she did! I’m not sure if she was drunk, but during her acceptance speech for winning the Best Collaboration Video for “E.T.”, she definitely made Kanye West give her weird looks. I thought it was actually kind of cute, she asked him if he was excited for winning this for the first time. He was like “No, bitch, I HAVE won before.” Kind of bursted her bubble, but what the hell. She also won “Best Special Effects” for “E.T.” and “Video of the Year” for “Fireworks” (I don’t know why, though).

By the end of the show, she was wearing a yellow box on her head, not sure what that meant, but she wore it. Like I said. Tequila.

Adele gave a wonderful performance, she sang “Someone like you” STANDING UP, people were quiet listening to it, her voice was perfect, people loved it. She won the “Best Art Direction”, “Best Editing” and “Best Cinematography” awards. Kudos to you,Adele!

BEYONCE IS PREGNANT!

After her live performance of “Love on top”, she unbuttoned her sparkly purple jacket and started rubbing her belly. People were ecstatic, she looked great as a pregnant woman, Jay-Z was dancing around in the audience all happy, it was a good moment! Congratulations! She was also the winner of the “Best Choreography” award. You go,girl!

There was a Britney Spears Tribute, which was the definition of pure crap, it wasn’t supposed to be called a tribute because that wasn’t what it was. Jo gave a speech about Britney, there was a funny part where he said that he used to have posters of her which he would touch himself to, Britney laughed but I really do hope she got the joke. Then all of the sudden there is this awkward moment when there’s a group of kids dancing to her music which sounded like it was a fast-forwarded remix compilation of some of her popular songs. That was weird. They danced well, but it sounded…yucky. But Britney didn’t walk away empty-handed, she won the “Best Pop Video” award and the “Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award”.

There was also an Amy Winehouse Tribute, which was somewhat better than Britney’s. They presented a short video footage never seen before of her in the studio recording a song with Tony Bennett. Russell Brand gave an emotional speech about her, it was all really nice. Then Bruno Mars performed “Valerie” in her honor. Sweet.

“Best New Artist” went to Tyler the Creator, although I don’t know who the f**k he is. Not a lot of people do, actually. But he was super-excited and so was his mother who looked so proud of him while he gave his acceptance speech full of bad words and with a crowd behind him that almost knocked down poor Selena Gomez on their way to the stage.

“Best Rock Video” went to Foo Fighters, which I feel they deserved after all these years of being nominated and not actually winning anything.

“Best Hip Hop Video” went to Nicki Minaj. Suck it, Lil Kim.

So this is pretty much what went on this year at the VMAs. I was super-excited to watch it live, I’m not gonna bitch around about how much it sucked because frankly, I have no frame of reference for it.

Proud of Jo Calderone, thumbs up to Beyonce & the growing baby inside of her, Adele, Katy Perry and basically everybody else there.

Good show.

For me.

Get over it.