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As it emerged that the Queen and Prince Philip visited a Westend production incognito; or rather they tried. The difference when the most powerful woman goes on a night out to what circus so called VIPs enact couldn’t be more striking.

When the Queen went to sea War Horse in the Westend, the incognito part went pitifully wrong, as she and Prince Philip were recognised when entering the theatre. But it was reported that security was so well disguised as being invisible. Meaning that it was efficient security, as opposed to a show put on to impress on bystanders the importance of the person being guarded by some obvious bully boys.

This low key approach to security is such a relief to see, if you care to remember the G20 summit which I made fun of in The Circus is in Town. True security lies in being unobtrusive, which the Queen usually manages quite well, as she has such outings quite often without being recognised. And even when recognised, she is probably more secure being with her people than with any security guard. But then, she represents democratic values better than any elected leader in this world. Even diehard republicans wouldn’t want to replace her with an elected president, especially if such a choice could be a war criminal like Tony Blair.

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The Queen’s approach to security also sheds some light on the security arrangement for Royal B listers like Prince Andrew, the Duchess of York, and their brood, Prince Edward, the Countess of Wessex, and their brood. Is it really necessary to spend millions of tax money every year on their bodyguards? Probably they would just fade into oblivion where they belong, as the only news you ever get of them is the row over security costs.

It highlights some other differences as well. While Princess Anne and Princess Alexandra and their families always managed quite well to keep a low profile and yet to represent the crown most efficiently, their security arrangements are very low key as well. Getting me back to the point where fading into the wallpaper is the best way to keep out of trouble.

The Comtesse de Pommery once noted before going to the United States: “You just have to have a security guard with you all the time if you don’t want to fade into the wallpaper when showing your face in the States.” It is this turning around of cause and effect that makes security big business as 90 percent of the self proclaimed VIPs wouldn’t need it if they could accept that they are as important as wallpaper.

Do you want to become a VIP? One of the first steps you should take then is hiring a bodyguard. It will make you as important as Britney Spears in just no time once you start showing up at parties and in places with your life shadow. Obviously, the real work only starts there, when you have to get the invitations to parties and places where it counts to have a bodyguard. Turning up Sundays at church with one won’t do you any good in that direction.