Random Bits of Truth Week Five
The truth is so hard to find nowadays in our politically correct world.
We are back after a much needed vacation. Thanks for all your fan mail and peaceful protests on the streets of America over your fears that this column might never return. I got a kick out of seeing my mom, my mom and my mom carrying those “Bring Back Random Bits of Truth” signs. It was amazing. Perez Hilton was so jealous! But where was Geraldo? That was the story of the century!
Good news or maybe not, the original dysfunctional family of real life television is coming back. Yes, Ozzy Osbourne fans it is the wacky Osbourne clan again but this time as a kind of “Donny and Marie” variety show. But doesn’t a variety show have to have some kind of talent? Is Kelly singing her Madonna remake of “Papa Don’t Preach” over and over? What exactly are Sharon and Jack going to do? Perhaps they will play the kazoo and tap baking pans. Will Ozzy relive his Black Sabbath bat eating days? If the Osbournes are using the Osmonds (the other “O” family”), for inspiration, I still cannot picture Donny Osmond doing that whole bat thing. I am already missing the old Osbourne show live in their mansion-at least that was entertaining.
Oh poor Miley Cyrus is still so upset about the whole nasty “Vanity Fair” thing. But somehow she keeps bringing it up again and again in the press to let us know that she is “so upset” and to continue to rake in the Yahoo “Buzz” hits. Please Miley, your act is so transparent and most of us just don’t care. What an ambulance chaser you have become. You are breaking my achy heart and laughing all the way to the bank. NOT!
Looks like it’s a duel between “Guitar Hero” and “Rock Band 2.” Which is better? Rock Band 2 is supposed to have “sturdier instruments” undoubtedly made of high price plastic so you can pretend that you are actually playing something for hours and hours. Did anyone see that Simpson episode spoofing “Guitar Hero?” Was that the truth or what? Honestly folks you can be guitar masters! All you have to do is put the same about of time learning to play the real instrument! What a concept! Now that would impress me!
Looks like the Church of England has agreed to allow women to take the necessary steps to become bishops. But the fear is that it will split the church. The males will definitely convert to Scientology and jump on couches to protest their women not being home to do their laundry, clean their houses, walk their dog, care for their children, cook their dinner, do the grocery shopping and work full-time contributing a second paycheck for the family. Yeah, it looks like the guys may have to drop off their own dry cleaning now. So help around the house guys-it’s only Christian! LOL
Looks like Iraqis are now free to “Pimp Their Ride” after the exit of old Saddam according to Yahoo News. They can pimp their cars in armor and machine guns so that it will be easier for them to drive to the nearest 7-11 through the war zone. Gotta get those Slurpees in the hot Iraqi heat. I also suggest “amped” out stereo speakers playing tinny mid-eastern music with a big dice hanging from the rearview mirror and pink furry seats. Oh yeah!
U.S. Senator Jim Webb, a military veteran who is popular with the middle class has declined any upcoming Vice-Presidential running mate offers from Barack Obama.
It’s just as well as Obama is on the cover of “Rolling Stone” this month and “Time” last month. Everyone knows that “Rolling Stone” and “Time” are both Obama worshiping magazines. I just don’t see a tough military veteran, popular with the heart of America standing next to Obama on the cover of “Rolling Stone” magazine anytime soon. Wouldn’t that be an oxymoron? I mean which magazine would then be the bigger moron? Oops, I am letting my Oprah “smooze” factor for the hard news stories really show. I just am confused as I thought that the average American voted for Presidents.
I thought that politicians were elected to office and not pushed into office by a cult festival of media frenzy. I thought that billionaires couldn’t buy their candidates into office. Sorry, my mistake. I am so naïve to think that way!
Until next time, read the Yahoo Buzz and Google Trends and look for this column! After all, sometimes, someone, somewhere has to speak the truth! Toodles!
In case you left the planet and missed my first 4 amazing issues here are the links: