And The Newest Celebrity Award Is: (Drum Roll, Please)

It is that stupid time of the year where all these awards come out from under the red carpet to be bestowed mostly for no reason at all. Ladies and gentlemen, I have founded the newest award program and I will introduce it to you as soon as I have found a sponsor. It has to be done right considering all the competition. Actually, let us look at one of the newest competitors in the awards field.

And a real winner is…

Nick Lachey received the 2007 Fun Fearless award. I hope this is not true but the rumor has it, he is writing a tell all about his marriage to Jessica Simpson. I don’t know which confuses me the most the possibility of the book or the award itself. Weren’t we privy to Nick and Jessica’s most intimate moments in the award winning reality series, "The Newlywed." Oops, I goofed. The show did not win any awards except for the "You’re Kidding Me, Right?" Award. Which got cancelled first, the show or the marriage? During the whole run of the show all you heard was Nick and Jessica were breaking up. And so, not to disappoint the masses (or it that mass? Were there more than one viewer?) they lovingly gave the public what they wanted. Will Nick go on to keep his head above obscurity by writing the tell all book? (Will it be written in chapters or broken down episode by episode?). Will it tell how Jessica goes on to diss Dolly Parton and drop out of a tribute show? (Did Jessie feel threatened by Dolly’s side profile?) Was it really that fun and fearless to be married and divorced with the whole world looking on?

Nick Lachey needs to win "The Marriage Advice" Award. Hey Nick, do not look to me as a sponsor for that one. I had two marriages that can be described, as "They didn’t take the trip down the aisle, they tripped in the aisle." My second marriage came with an egg timer and two prepaid international lawyer calling cards. While I cannot sponsor the advice award, I can give you a clue for your next marriage. Try privacy with intimacy and if someone asks you to revive "The Newlyweds," tell them to call Bob Eubanks.

And now for someone completely different

Eva Mendes won her 2007 Fun Fearless Award for making choices. She took a risk in being an actress when she had an established career as a supermodel. What Eva should have won is "The Great Choices Award." In a few short years, the woman has chalked up the hits. Eva has been in Training Day helping Densel Washington win his first Oscar. The 2 Fast and 2 Furious helping the memory of Vin Diesel go to pitch black. And of course with Will Smith in "Hitch" making us believe she could make men feel love challenged… among other things.

The balance and the why another?

The balance lies in showing the good side of yet another stupid award. Eva Mendes was a good choice for the award. Nick Lachey was the comic choice. It just proved that no one really knows what many of these awards are about. That is beside the obvious, to give a sponsor the chance to jump aboard the celebrity bandwagon and draw attention to themselves. For the record the Fun Fearless Award ranks up there with the Blackwell worst dressed awards. Who cares?

The money spent on the superfluous awards could be spent on education, the homeless, and community care centers, just to name a few. It would be nice for once to see the red carpet put out for the nameless stars and celebrities that remain anonymous donating their time to soup kitchens and helping the needy. These stars and celebrities are everyday people whose award is in the satisfaction from giving back to their communities. I guess I was wrong; there are plenty of sponsors for my award. The name of my award is… (Drum roll…toot of the horn and a full orchestra climax if you would please, punctuated by a timely silence to grab your attention)… "The Thank You."