I’ve Got Your Stimulus Package Right Here

We’re back on the economy now. It’s big news, after all. It’s all getting pretty old if you ask me. The Australian government is about to hand out money to consumers nation wide in hopes that they will go out and make some big expenditures and get the economy working again. If you think of the economy as a man who has been in a car crash and is now slowly fading then the government is the doctor and he’s just ordered the nurse to hand him the “paddles” and in this case that’s the stimulus package. The doctor is about to give the dying patient a shock and bring it back to life. Well that’s not entirely the case because just like the “paddles” these idea isn’t going to cure all the problems.

Will it stabilise things? Well I guess we’ll see. All things considered things are bad but around here it could be a lot worse. Obviously we’re not bankrupt like some countries. The US has, as you no-doubt know, been hit especially hard. It couldn’t help that their previous government regime left the government budget in such a state. The US Government had it’s own ideas about helping the economy. It’s a typically American plan that involves a lot of money, private industry and short-sighted soothing of the stubbed toes of the obscenely wealthy.

Government hand-outs aren’t unique to any one nation or government in this disastrous turn of financial events. The US Government decided, very early on in the crisis, that one solution might be to just pay off the debt a lot of big companies had because of it. Sadly Midway didn’t get any of that help and the game company that made a long time favourite series of mine (Mortal Kombat) no longer exists. A lot of the car companies were first in line for help and there was a lot of controversy over the US Government’s plan.

But now that we know what the government was up to let’s think about what these companies were up to. The economic crisis hit and these businesses did what every private business does when times are getting hard. They downsized, made some cut-backs, got rid of a lot of workers and then when things kept getting worse they went and asked the government for some help. Of course it’s only fair that the politicians give them a helping hand when these big CEOs have given politicians so much money over the years. All seems simple, doesn’t it? Well things got worse and some CEOs got desperate and decided they’d need to really bargain with the government and offered to start taking $1 salaries every year. Wow, what a sacrifice they’re going to make! Can you imagine only earning $1 a whole year? You can’t?

Ask someone in Africa what it’s like. They might have a better idea.

But never, in all this pathetic begging, did one of the CEOs decide to get some money by selling a few of their billion dollar mansions. They’d rather fire the people who have been working to stuff their fat wallets in the first place than risk their own ivory comforts. I’d like to know what Marx would say about all this. Exploitation of the workers? You haven’t seen anything yet.

So we have all these American CEOs flying in their private jets down to Washington to get on their knees (of course a little black boy was there to put down a pillow for their knees. Wouldn’t want anyone getting carpet burn or a bruise) and ask the people they’d been paying off for years to scratch their back. Well I have my own solution to their financial problems. Are you out there, CEOs? I’ve got your stimulus package right here.

Fuck you.

These rich old men can just burn for all I care. In fact I want to see their own little kingdoms crash down around them and I really want to be the first one to piss on the charred remains of their three story homes. You know? The ones they live in with their one wife and a dog. They need all that space for their masturbation, I think. They’ll get no sympathy from me and if the government really thought that they could lend a hand with the people’s money then they’re lacking a little more brain power than I always thought.

The only way I will ever care if these people suffer a little loss of money is if they risk their own comfort. Let’s see them liquidate their estate and put it into their company. Before they discharge all those middle-men and ground workers than did the real work in their company let them sell off every one of their houses. Let them trade in their cars for… Hmm, what’s fitting? How about nothing? Let’s see them walk everywhere. Maybe catch a bus or a train. Their private jets can be sold for scrap and they can fly coach for a little while. And all the money they get for their custom tailored suits can go into the business like everything else. Then they can take a salary of $30,000 a year and get a new home. Not some quaint little suburban shindig either. They can go inner-city and get an apartment. Penthouses don’t count, either. They can live in shacks stacked on shacks with walls so thin you can hear your neighbours breathe.

I hear there’s plenty of those kinds of homes up for rent now because a whole lot of people just lost everything.

Maybe, and just maybe, when they’re rotting down here with everyone else then I’ll feel a little sorry for them. But then again, I probably won’t.

Let them burn. The only thing these people ever offered society was a job but they’ve just taken that away from you and now they’ve got nothing to give.

And if any bloated, out of touch, balding, white, old man in government thinks that because these CEOs paid for them to get where they are in government that they’ll just hand over tax money, YOUR money, then let’s really show them that we won’t take it. No more of their bullshit, thank you very much.

For more anarchist rage, be sure to read my other articles.