Moms Must Make Responsible Relationship Choices to Protect Their Children

Last November, an 11 year old Cincinnati girl gave birth to a baby who had been fathered by her mother’s 40-year-old boyfriend. The infant’s birth at University Hospital triggered an investigation by the Department of Job and Family Services (JFS).

Several relatives of the girl contacted JFS and informed them that the mother’s boyfriend had abused the girl “for a period of time.” JFS ordered the girl’s mother not to allow any adult males around the child while they determined the newborn’s paternity. But during a surprise visit on January 4, investigators found the 43-year-old woman’s boy friend, Michael Chaffer, in her home. Chaffer was charged with obstruction of official business.

JFS immediately removed the girl and the infant from the home. The 11 year-old was placed in the care relatives. Her baby was placed in foster care. The child is allowed to visit baby at least twice a week. Her mother is only allowed to see her if social workers can supervise the visits. The pre-teen’s mom is not allowed to see her grandchild.

Chaffer faces criminal charges for impregnating and sexually abusing a child under the age of 13. Already a convicted felon, if he is convicted of the abuse charge Chaffer could be sentenced to life in prison. The 11-year-old’s mother is under investigation for allowing her daughter to be abused. Prosecutors allege she failed to care for her daughter by allowing Chaffer near her.

A Spelman College student left her 2-year-old son from a previous relationship and her 3-month-old son whom he fathered in the care of her 21-year-old boyfriend, Desmond Walker, in the extended stay motel in DeKalb County, Georgia, where they lived. A few hours later, a housekeeper found the at least partially nude child on a bed. The bathroom, bathroom floor and mattress in the room where the child was found have been described as “covered in blood” and “a bloodbath.”

The toddler was taken to a local hospital where he was later pronounced dead. Police would not specify the boy’s cause of death, stating only that the boy died as a result of “serious injuries.” The boy’s body had signs of physical and sexual abuse.

Erin Justice accused her stepfather Laurence Lovejoy of raping her. Three weeks later, the 16-year-old from Aurora, Illinois, was found dead in her bathtub. Lovejoy was convicted of poisoning, beating, stabbing and drowning Justice, and sentenced to death.

In Stella, Missouri, 9-year-old Rowan Ford of was raped, strangled and buried in a sinkhole by her 25-year-old stepfather, David Spears, and his friend Chris Collings. Both men confessed to the crime. The girl’s mother, Colleen Spears, 32, had left her in the care of her stepfather while she worked her evening shift at Wal-Mart.

While only the sickest and most evil of women would knowingly and willingly place their children in harm’s way, each year millions of women place their innocent children in harm’s way by making poor-and in some cases outrageously irresponsible-relationship choices that expose their children to predators, maniacs and monsters. Many of these women are lonely, weary and affection-starved individuals who just want someone to love and care for them… and their children.

The majority of them probably have no clue that entrusting their boyfriends, lovers and husbands with their most precious gifts, their children, is tantamount to placing their children at risk for physical, emotional, psychological or sexual abuse, or perhaps even death. But some women ignore the obvious warning signs of a potential abuser: inability to manage anger, drug and/or alcohol addiction, abusive behavior towards them and/or their children, hostility towards their children and criminal backgrounds. In some cases, such as that of the mother of the 11-year-old Cincinnati girl, mothers fail to keep their significant others away from the children even when it is clear that giving them access to their children is not in their children’s best interests.

Women must make their children their primary consideration when choosing potential mates. If there is any reason whatsoever to suspect that a man might pose a potential risk to their children, women must put their children first and walk away from the relationship. Not doing so could and should place women at risk of losing their children to child welfare authorities. Tragically, it could also cost their children their health, well-being and innocence, and maybe even their lives.