Nice Opinion, Who’d You Borrow It From?

Politics, to me, is similar to getting a physical. You worry about it, make small talk and, in the end, you just feel molested. I didn’t vote in the most recent presidental election because I firmly believe that both candidates will leave the country bleeding to death in a ditch on the side of the road. The only question, to me, seems to be if it’s going to be the left side of the road or the right.

“But Justin, you ” I’m just going to stop you right there. Whatever you’re going to say, I don’t care. If the country falls to dust because I didn’t vote, then it wasn’t a very good country. If the terrorists win, then I played way too big a roll in the defense of this nation. If, somehow, me not voting causes a tsunami in Sudan, so be it. In fact, if me not voting can do all these things, I’m definitely not voting. Think about it, I could hold the world hostage. “Listen up, if I don’t have two double cheeseburgers and a large coke here in the next ten minutes, I’m not voting!” Think of the pandemonium? Sudan would be calling up every McDonalds in the world “Hey! Get this guy two double cheeseburgers and a coke! STAT! I’m so worried I’m using medical lingo!” The terrorists would be sending out suicide bombers to all the McDonalds in the world “Quick! Bomb them all! If Justin doesn’t get his two double cheeseburgers and coke he’s not gonna vote! We win! Hurry up Hussan! You can say good by to your wife and kids later!” Seriously, that would own. 

Now, bringing us to the title of this rant. These people I talk to about politics…I ask them what about the candidates they like and dislike and they nearly quote an advertisement I seen on TV. “I don’t like Obama because he’s a socialist!” “I don’t like McCain becaues he’s old and can’t relate to us young people!” “Obama is sexy!” No, he’s not, and if the reason you’re voting for a candidate is his physical appearance, I think you should be on the not voting side of things with me. Actually, I take that back. You shouldn’t be allowed to vote at all. I could continue bagging on people for being mindless, autonomous, airsucking, pompous wind bags…but I won’t.

The moral to this story, if you must have one, is that I don’t care what happens when I don’t vote and you need to get your own opinion instead of relying on what “your side” tells you. Just a thought. Don’t like it? I don’t care. Go eat blow fish.