Smoke ‘em If Ya Got ‘em

So they’re sick of our second hand smoke eh? Well I’m sick of their stinky socks, bad breath, farts, body odour, perfume drenched bodies, aftershave that was bathed in not slapped on, car fumes that create more carbon monoxide than 10,000 cigarettes!!! Do I complain though? “No!” I say with a resounding yell. Unlike the whining, right trampling, smoke conscious crybabies that complain each time I light up and TRY to enjoy a good old fashion smoke. Yes I know it’s not good for my health, and yes I know that I’m cutting my life shorter with each mouth-watering puff but do I look like I care? Obviously not if there’s a smoke hanging out of my yap.

So why should you care if I smoke? Yes, yes, the second-hand smoke theory. I’ve had enough of that crapola to last me a smoker’s lifetime! Stop crying about my bad habit and listen. While you drink your beer and or liquor (shrinking your liver by the minute) and eat your deep fried foods, don’t you worry about my health! And the health nuts who eat nothing but rabbit food call me when you get enough protein in your deprived bodies to beat my 3 year old grand daughter in an arm-wrestle!

Do I sound pissed off? Slightly annoyed? Well I am. I remember the days when you could smoke in the hospital for God’s sake. You could spark one up in the bank line-up if the urge hit you; or you could go out for supper and enjoy a smoke after a meal that you nearly broke yourself paying for. Not anymore. They’re talking about banning smoking in all public places even city sidewalks. My tax dollars helped build those sidewalks but I guess that doesn’t matter. As a smoker I relinquished my rights somewhere along the way, but the government didn’t relinquish their right to tax the smokes that I do buy to the hilt. About 80% of the price I pay for a pack of these “coffin nails” goes to the government. No wonder that more than half the smokers in Ontario are now getting their smokes from the Native reserves. Hope that kicks the government’s closet-smoking political puppets right in the coconuts! What a load of hypocrisy. Taxing cigarettes like they do. Ok to buy but not ok to smoke I guess.

Scare tactics plastered over the packages of cigarettes that I do buy are meant to send a message to me. Bad for my health. So is dumping our lakes full of factory waste; so is producing gas burning vehicles that spew tons of carbon monoxide per cycle into the air that I wish to breath on a daily basis. But it’s my little cigarettes that’s the real problem right? Tell that to the oil engulfed birds that wash up on the shores of the great lakes on a daily basis. Go after the aerosol sprayers that’s are chewing up the ozone. Why don’t you harass the mine dumping commercial companies that contribute to global warming? Turn off the lights on the energy hogs that have made the future an uncertain one. Just leave my little cigarette and me alone for a change will ya? I swear the next time I’m approached by a group of gum chewing, tattooed, body pierced anti smoking advocates telling me to extinguish my cigarette, I’m going to snap; or snap them!