The Laughable Arguments Against Same-Sex Marriage

What is the official definition of marriage? And does it matter? New words and new definitions are put into the dictionary at all times. While it is very convenient to stab your finger into an old dictionary and claim that marriage is defined as a union between a man and a woman, it simply isn’t a very good argument.

There are so very many arguments against gay marriage that simply don’t hold up. Shall we start with the silliest first?

“If we start letting men marry other men, pretty soon men will be marrying horses and television sets.”

Seriously? Is this something people are seriously worried about? No, it isn’t. It just sounds like a logical argument to some people. The fact is, that the basic elements of a marriage between a man and another man are exactly the same as between a man and a woman, except for the sex part. Long, loving, committed relationships between two men or two women have stood the test of time for many generations. As for people being married to animals and inanimate objects? Neither of these are capable of consenting to marriage, and since I would argue that humans should only marry consensually, I believe that horses and television sets should have the same right.

“Marriage is for making babies. Gays can’t do that.”

For one thing, there is no requirement that married people have to have children. I don’t think anyone would argue that there should be. So why on earth would having the ability to have children be a requirement? What about people who are infertile? What about people too old to have children?

“Allowing gays to marry destroys the sanctity of marriage.”

Honestly, perhaps getting married is too easy. Maybe people should be required to go to counseling first or wait a certain amount of time. Marriage should be about two people committing to one another for the rest of their lives. Too many people rush into it, and trivialize it for those of us who take being married, and remaining monogomous, very seriously. But the decline of marriage has nothing to do with homosexuals. Neither does the divorce rate. I feel much better about two women that have been together for years, and have proven their committment to one another, getting married than I do about two heterosexuals that met in a bar last week getting married.

“The bible says…”

Oh, there are a lot of arguments for and against a lot of things that begin with this phrase. In this case, in which we are talking about a legal matter in the United States, what the bible says is completely null and void. This country does not recognize the bible as a reference for what is and is not legally okay. If you feel that gay marriage is wrong for religious reasons, that’s fine, you absolutely have the right to feel that way. But you don’t have the right to impose your religious beliefs on anyone else. That’s the beautiful thing about our country; we all have the right to believe whatever we choose.

“Why do they even want to get married? If they want to be together, fine, but why do they feel like they have to get married?”

Why does anyone want to get married? I’ve been happily married for seven years. Would we not be just as happy as a couple living together with children? I guess we probably would. But there are things I would hate to give up. I love calling him my husband instead of my boyfriend or baby daddy or whatever awkward description I could come up with at the time. I love that I share a last name with my husband and my kids. I loved the wedding and celebrating our love with all of our family and friends. All of these are superficial icing on the cake that is my marriage. 

People need to open their hearts and their minds. The real question here is: what is the essence of marriage? It’s two people choosing to spend the rest of their lives together. Two people choosing to become a family. It’s Christmas morning, and lazy Sundays. It’s birthday parties and new puppies. Life as a family is an amazing experience. The experience in a same-sex relationship is exactly the same. Why would anyone want to deny another human being the joys and struggles of marriage?  

As men and women, we don’t walk up to one another and say, “I have penis, you have vagina, let’s get married.” Maybe for random hookups that’s how it works, but for marriage it goes much deeper. You don’t marry someone because they have great hair, or because they’re a doctor, or because they are good with dogs, or because they look amazing in bikini, or because they make you laugh. You do it for the whole package. You’ve met someone with whom you can be yourself, who makes your heart race, who fits you in every way imaginable, and you can’t imagine your life without them. For lack of a better term, you’re soulmates. When you look at it at this level, putting requirements on the right combination of genders seems crazy.