The Little-known Truth About Apple Inc

Have you ever had the feeling that, just maybe, companies are asking you to invest just a bit too heavily in their product? Unbeknownst to the common consumer, every time an iPod, iPhone, MacBook or any “iProduct” in general is purchased, its buyer is essentially signing over his or her soul to the self-proclaimed master of the universe: CEO Steve Jobs. Whether or not his followers’ incoherent ramblings are a direct result of his own filth-spewing has yet to be studied, but it’s common knowledge that no matter where you go, you can always find a man, woman, or child with his or her lips planted firmly on the corporate ass of Apple Inc..

In fact, research has shown that engaging in conversation with these so-called “MacAddicts” can have the equivalent effect of watching an entire season of The O.C.. Record numbers of Americans affected by this “post-bullshit stress disorder”-a term coined by the Bush administration-have had their afflictions traced back to such encounters, with a significant increase following the June 2007 release of the iPhone. Even more unsettling to researchers is that when confronted on the stupidity of their arguments, MacAddicts display a series of aggressive behaviors similar to those found in long-time drug users, often accompanied by an overwhelming sense of denial.

Ironically, however, Apple is a company that has built its user base nearly entirely around the notion that its users are virtually incapable of doing simple tasks. It’s this chimp-like behavior that has subsequently stimulated the growth of the “Mac community”-a delusional, cult-like social movement transcending the boundaries of what normal-functioning Americans would consider just a product. As they see it, Steve Jobs is not just selling them the greatest product on the face of earth; he’s selling them a way of life. One that, no doubt, will have to be shipped back to the manufacturer every year for a nominal fee and at the expense of its user, but a way of life nonetheless. As for me, I can’t say that I’m ready to become quite that invested in a product.