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There may be a lot of strong candidates out there running for president in 2008, and maybe the nominations are close to sewn up, but who wouldn’t rather vote for a high schooler from the suburbs? Enter Tom Copette.

I ask those of you who will be able to vote in 2008 to consider another candidate: me.

Sure, I would be under the constitutionally-mandated age of 35. But the current administration has already established that the Constitution doesn’t matter when we’re fighting a global war against unseen enemies. Besides, age has little to do with fighting terrorism. I have ample experience in that area. CounterStrike has given me valuable front-line practice battling terrorists. I could probably even take on Jack Bauer now.

I’m also pretty well-informed about public affairs. Our current president proudly says he doesn’t read the newspapers. I do. And I can pronounce “nuclear,” a word the next president will have to say even more often than this one.

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You may be thinking that there’s no good reason to vote for me. That’s true, but irrelevant. The point is that there’s also no good reason NOT to vote for me. I didn’t choke my mistress, I didn’t have sex with that woman, I didn’t inhale, I didn’t take any money from Jack Abramoff, I didn’t extort money from defense contractors in exchange for my vote, I haven’t been indicted for inappropriate fundraising practices, I didn’t evade military service or claim too many Purple Hearts, I wasn’t for the war before I was against the war, and I’m definitely not Mark Foley. Try finding another candidate who has done so little to offend your moral sense or your intelligence.

Well folks, there you have it. There is absolutely no good reason not to vote for me on Election Day in 2008. Just write in “Tom Copette” on your ballot and join the Copette Nation. Hey, it worked for the Colbert Bridge.