You Can Lead a Horse to Water

One of my favorite sayings while growing up in the South Carolina was “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” Now as an adult, I live by that saying a little because I acknowledge that while there are some things that I can change with a little persuasion, there are some things I cannot change no matter what. Another person’s sexual orientation is one of those things I know I cannot change. I can tell that person how unpopular or wrong being anything but heterosexual is, but I can’t change because it is up to that person to change.

And so I have to keep myself in check when I feel rather determined to change a person even when I know I cannot. I keep myself in check with this one lengthy question: “Who—or what—am I to be when I have no place, neither as an individual nor a member of a collective entity, to force my theology, ideology, or morality on someone else who may not believe in all I believe in and especially when my morality dictates that forcing these things on other people is erroneous?” Rather, it is my place to get on my knees and pray to God: “While I may not agree with someone else’s lifestyles and convictions, help me to keep an open mind and an open heart and help me to leave to You, my Lord, the matter of dealing with these people. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”

Having said that, it is safe to assume that I am a Christian and a God-fearing Christian at that. One can also safely assume that I believe that homosexuality is a sin and that I am a heterosexual. It is also safe to assume that I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman. However, it is safe to assume that I believe that two people that are truly in love—no matter whom or what they are—should be able to marry. As Keith Olbermann implied in a special comment on MSNBC’s “Countdown” on November 10, 2008, it is not about “a question of religion” but about “a question of love.” When people marry, it is not about religion unless the couple wants to make it about their religion, but it is always about love. The love that two homosexual people can have for each other is no different from the love that two heterosexual people can have one another…and really, that love is no different from God commanding us to love each other like we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39). God means for us to love one another unconditionally just as He loves every one of us, from the saints to the sinners, unconditionally. Just as sinners seek not to take anything away from the saints but rather to be more like them, homosexuals are not seeking to take anything away from the heterosexuals but rather to be more like them. And besides, no one but God has a Heaven or a Hell to place someone. So why are we so busy judging others as it is obvious that we are with the passing of Proposition 8? Whatever happened to “Judge not, that ye be not judged” (Matthew 7:1)?

With the passing of California’s Proposition 8 and similar measures in Florida and Arizona, we assert the message to homosexuals “You are second-class citizens.” As an African American and as a female, I have heard that message, in one manner or another, all my life though civil rights acts and other equality laws makes me equal to a Caucasian American and a male. So why would I want to tell someone else that when I know the pain of being told that? Plus the passing of Proposition 8 potentially limits the ability of the court system to protect the rights of minority and relatively unpopular groups (“Minorities fear trend from California gay marriage ban”, Reuters – 11/24/2008), and as an African American I have fear of what may come, be it in the near future or distant.

Plainly put—in closing, marriage is not just a holy rite but also a civil right. The United States of America is slowly on its way to becoming that “more perfect union” and make ring more truthfully “we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal” now that our first minority president has been elected, but we cannot get there while flagrantly revoking rights from people. Members of the Congressional Black Caucus, most notably Rep. John Lewis who is a former Civil Rights Movement leader, have acknowledged that marriage is a civil right that gays should have too because we all are one. While I am a Christian myself, I can never argue to use theology, ideology, or morality as basis for taking away a civil right. As a Christian I can teach and demonstrate to others that homosexuality is wrong—where “you can lead a horse to water” comes in, but as a human I respect others and their wishes for they may not share the same theology, ideology, or morality with me and leave that person to want to make that change themselves—“but you can’t make it drink.”