Germany vs. Greece: Why The Inevitable War Will Give Us a Chance to Sport Awesome Haircuts

    There isn’t a day goes by that we aren’t reminded that the Greek economy is, in technical terms: totally and completely fucked. They owe an amount of money that is so ridiculously large it is only worthy of an estate agent’s wank bank. So we were at this stage where they owed a tonne of money, they couldn’t pay it back and no one ever expected there to be a solution to this now sterile feud. To deal with the matter a German government spokesperson stood up and said that “peace would not remain in Europe” until the money was paid back. Silence. A German government official has said that they intend to upset the peace in Europe. Oh fuck.

     So once they’d got passed the visual gag of the occasional Jewish man or women being hurredly smuggled out of the back door, terror truely began to set in. The truely horrifying thing of the matter is that people are genuinely intending to start a war based on a large debt. A great man once said “the life of one man is worth more than all the wealth of the richest man.” Have we really become so incredibly tribal and viscious that we are willing to invade a country and kill people in order to get money. Well the US will they’ve been doing it for years (yes we all remember Iraq) but Germany? With a country of a terrible track record for winning wars you would expect them to keep their mouths shut for at least a century after they last lost one. I would say money was a futile thing to start a war over but then again all wars are based on the reclaim or destruction of a resource invented by the human race that we lived without for millions of years and no one should really give a shit about. Religion, monarchy, preisdency, world cup finals, these are all things wars have been started over and we must ask ourselves, what is a few trillion pounds anyway. Sure the standard of living would go down without the money but I think the standard of living would still be higher with no money than being shot at by today’s incredible modern weaponry.

     But we shouldn’t get too worked up over the inevitable war about to smash through Europe. The military look is very in at the moment and if modern cinema has taught us nothing else it’s that at least with a war we’ll get a chance to walk through beautiful countryside, wearing tight, cool, green, long sleeve shirts over our bulging muscles, smoke navy cut cigarettes as we walk and discuss home life and sport perfectly trimmed haircuts.

     But come on a war over money? Our government officials need to seriously smoke some pot, get laid and chill the fuck out!