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The secret plans of super-rich Mitt Romney for Saint Valentine’s Day have been revealed. Of course, now Mitt’s plans have been made public, the potential 45th President of the United States of America has made alternative arrangements… but we have discovered them and they’re published here in this article too. Also, as we’ve made Mitt’s alternative arrangements common knowledge, we will update the article with subsequent itineraries for Mitt on 14th February 2012, 2013, 2014…

We Apologise for the Inconvenience 

Image via Wikipedia Mitt don’t clean up the sh*t but he sure talks it!

We apologize for the inconvenience but Valentine’s Day is just a waste of time and money. Instead of spending loads of cash on trinkets and vulgar cards donate to an animal charity or stand up for the rights of children and vulnerable adults. Remember (all you God Squad affiliates) it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for Mitt Romney and all other rich people to go to heaven. 

The Romneys Cruelty to Seamus the Irish Setter

Image via Wikipedia | All American Cruelty does it stop at dogs?

Mitt and Ann Romney will be attending classes on how to treat dogs on 14 February. This is because of the way they treated the family pet (an Irish Setter) when transporting him to the Romneys holiday home in Beach O’Pines in Ontario. The Romneys famously locked the dog in a crate on top of their car and, even when the dog’s upset manifested itself in diarrhoea which ran from the crate and onto the windscreen of the car – although stopping to clean it up at a garage (we are quite sure this operation was not undertaken by Ann of Mitt Romney) they locked the dog away to continue the journey which took 12 hours in total. 

It is hoped that the GOP pair will apply these lessons to people as all the Romneys are being taught is:

“Do unto others what you’d have them do unto you”

End Note Paying the Same Tax as Everyone NOT!

Mitt Romney pays 14% of his income to the IRS. Teachers and firefighters pay more than 28% of their income to the IRS.

Image via Wikipedia | Mitt Romney Pretends to be 45th President of the United States of America.