When Elections Offer No Choice

Many might feel that going to vote in the coming elections is a waste of time. But it isn’t. Democracy, or what little democracy there is in Britain, never offers the obvious solution. But it always offers you a chance to make your point. If you are disaffected about the fraudsters in the Commons and the crooks in the House of Lords, then make it your affair to right it. Decide on what you are going to vote, and talk about it. Make others go to vote as well, even if they disagree with your choice.

Here are a few facts for you to ponder to help you make up your mind. I don’t aspire to either completeness or fairness; I just state the obvious you should know. If you want to throw in your lot with one or the other of the choices it is only fair that you should know what you buy. British voters have too long bought black cats hidden in sacks and you see where it brought Britain.

Why you should vote for Labour

If you vote Labour, you vote for a charismatic leader, Gordon Incapability Brown. He has an unique track record of achievements, amongst which the most important are: Losing the war in Afghanistan, dismantling the NHS services to make more and more useless desk jobs, overstepping the limit of 20,000 time wasters employed at Whitehall, constantly losing control of his own party, and bullying and shoving his way into Downing Street 10. For the future he promises a sustained policy of failure, more of his Scottish cronies in well paid jobs to do nothing at all, more brainless chicks like Harriet Harman to bedevil the lives of common sense people, and state bankruptcy.

Why you should vote for the Tories

If you vote Tory, you vote for a charismatic leader, David Cameron. His personal achievements are so many-fold, I have to content myself with citing the most glaring successes. He was a member of the exclusive Bullingdon Club, a select circle of students chosen for their abilities to do drinks and drugs, (wo)manizing, and making a general pain in the ass of themselves throughout their life. He managed to marry a rich wife, making it unnecessary for him to do any work, which he accomplishes with great success. He is, too, a secret twin of another Bullingdon member, Boris Johnson, The Mayor of Little Brain. Apart for these glaring recommendations as Prime Minister, he is probably a clone of Tony Blair, at least his impersonation if the war criminal is very life like. He promises to rehabilitate all his Tory cronies so they can continue to charge their duck houses and moat clearing to the tax payer.

Why you should vote for Lib Dem

If you vote Lib Dem, you vote for the third of the charismatic leaders available. I can’t remember his name right now, but he is certainly fit to be Prime Minister. Being invisible might be an asset. His party is the only one of the three that has an immaculate record over the last 50 years, as they managed to do nothing and achieve nothing. Compared to ruining the economy (Margaret Thatcher), starting unnecessary wars (Tony Blair), killing education, supreme powers for health and safety flunkies, and being just plain too stupid to breath (every Prime Minister since Winston Churchill), doing nothing must count as a recommendation. They promise nothing, have no notion of what they want to do, and won’t achieve anything.

Why you should vote for the Scottish Liberationists

Unhappily, I think there are none to vote for in England proper, but actually that’s where they could get the most votes. Voting in all the Liberationists possible in England would pave the way to give the Scottish their much wanted independence as fast as possible. In the same go, Northern Ireland, Wales, and the Channel Islands could be liberated at the same time, with the possibility to cut the tax rate in England in half. At the same time, this would give a good enough reason to get out of the European Union for all that are unhappy enough to be trapped in it.

Why you should vote for the BNP

Mosley’s Nazis promise only the best for England. They will clear out all the migrants, leaving lots of jobs open, as all the English and especially the members of the BNP are too superior to collect the rubbish and clean out the public toilets, quite apart from doing such strenuous work like road building. They also will stop the criminal wave by picking up all criminals and interning them into concentration camps. Prior to that, they will also redefine the word crime to suit their purposes.

Why you should vote for Independents

Independents have the great advantage of being unable to do or achieve anything on their own. In that sense they might be part of a Lib Dem government. They have one major advantage over any member of a party: They are not slaves to a whip and are therefore able to vote as their conscience dictates. This last must count as the most democratic part of the whole farce called British democracy.

Conclusion

As the most tempting choices will not be open to vote on, namely ‘none of the above’, ‘hung parliament’, and ‘hang parliament’, the choice is entirely up to you. And if you feel that you can’t vote for anybody wanting to live the high life on the back of the taxpayer, then you still are able to put in an empty vote to state your amount of discontent.