Article Tools

President Barack Obama can do a lot of things to help turn our economy around. He can also propose ideas to make our environment cleaner and our education stronger. But there are many things that President Obama cannot do.

  1. Squeeze blood from a turnip. Collection agents have tried this for years without any success.
  2. Rain Gummy Bears from the heavens. This is a sweet but impractical idea.
  3. Drum up massive support from the Republicans. Put this idea under voodoo economics.
  4. Make Rush Limbaugh confess that he is a closet Liberal
  5. Turn the Detroit Lions into a Super Bowl contender
  6. Bring the unemployment rate down to 4% in one year
  7. Provide proof that Santa Claus exists including an exact location of his toy factory
  8. Make all Wall Street executives and bank executives decide to donate all their bonuses to charities
  9. Bring about everlasting peace in the Middle East
  10. Get all children to abandon eating junk food in favor of eating wholesome, nutritious food
  11. Bring about total energy independence
  12. Have Fox News condemn ultra right conservatives and admit that the War in Iraq was a reckless act by President Bush
  13. End all natural disasters including hurricanes, earthquakes, and tornadoes
  14. Bring the dropout rate in schools down to 0
  15. Have ticket prices for professional sports sliced into half
  16. Deliver affordable health care for all our citizens. At least make some real improvements and reforms. This is one of our biggest problems.
  17. Make our citizens understand that blue and red are nice colors and have no political meaning. Children understand this. Why not adults?
  18. Turn our Great Lakes into truly great lakes by cleaning them up and keeping invasive species out of them. It starts with a real commitment and understanding the importance of these treasures.
  19. Turn our educational system into the envy of the world. Wouldn’t it be nice to holler “We’re number one.” We have a long way to go to make that claim.
  20. End poverty and hunger forever. By all means, reduce these twin scourges.