A Better Choice for The Nobel Peace Prize

A lot of controversy has sprung up around President Barack Obama’s selection as the Nobel Peace Prize recipient.  The selection committee stated that they gave the prize to Obama for his great strides to improve diplomacy world wide.  Though I agree Obama has made many changes throughout the world already in his short Presidency, I find that his accomplishments pale in comparison to those of one man.

Me.

But what exactly is it that I have on the President of the United States of America?  Well for one I’m not presiding over the most acidic political atmosphere the American public have seen since yesterday.  For another, my journalistic and humanitarian accomplishments are many, diverse, and not entirely made up.  For example, during my 2 semesters in community college I was a part of the human rights organization Amnesty International.  When I say I was a part of it I mean I showed up to the first meeting when free pizza was given away.  I even signed up for the mailing list.  Amnesty went on to raise over 58 dollars (58 dollars and 32 cents) for orphans in Guatemala, or something.  I honestly don’t remember the country. 

But the fact remains that I was a part of that effort.  To compare, what has Obama done lately that could come even remotely close to that accomplishment?  I wouldn’t know because I haven’t read the news- mainly because the liberal agenda of the news would say that Obama did something better than me.

In addition to my flair as a human rights activist, my journalistic talents are greater than or equal to those of John Steinbeck, Thomas Paine, and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle combined.  My article on the world’s hidden Atlantean overlords opened the world’s eyes to our hidden Atlantean overlords.  My article on the origins of the running of the bulls opened the world’s eyes to the origins of the running of the bulls, in Venice!  These are only a few of my tens of articles, written on a vast array of topics.  Again I ask you, what has Obama done in this field?  Sure he has decent speeches, but they’re all read from a teleprompter.  My articles all come directly from my diverse array of knowledge accumulated over 2 semesters of painstaking 2.5 GPA scholarship. 

The point is, I was a better choice than anyone and I want to be recognized.  I hereby give the Nobel Committee 36 minutes to remove Obama from consideration.  If this deadline is not met, I will impose economic sanctions on Norway.  By which I mean I won’t purchase any Norweigan products.  I encourage all my readers to do the same.