America the Pill

NEW YORK CITY, New York (AP)- Today officials from Pfizer Incorporated unveiled their latest drug. This drug dubbed the America pill puts all of Americans health problems into one easy pill. “It was quite simple, we just took the things that ailed Americans and cured it” said representative Tony Sullivan.  This new drug, burns fat while building muscle, is a anti-depresent, and cures erectile dysfunction all while lowering your blood pressure. The pill looks unique sporting only an American flag and nothing else. Pfizer is expected to make millions on this miracle drug. “Once we have profit out of the way we can start focusing on short term drugs that save lives” said researcher Jim Dilinwal. Doctors are already prescribing this pill to many sad, fat, and sexual unsatisfied people. Some feared that all of fifty two of the chemicals in the pill would interact with each other. However Pfizer was qucik to say that all of the chemicals just made a delicous cocktail of a drug that most americans are already on. Most Americans already take anti-depresents and at leat one erectile dysfuntion drug so why not put it all into one pill. Pfizer is already working on a Canadian pill which repels moose, and adds a layer of insulation similar to that of polar bears.