Student in Swan Slaughter Shame

A student faces charges of outraging public decency, animal cruelty and treason after a picture of him drunkenly butchering a swan was published in the Daily Mail today.

Rick Edwards, a student at Leeds Metropolitan University, was photographed as he hacked away at the swan with a tomahawk during a student bar crawl earlier this month. After the photo was taken, Edwards is reported to have held the swan’s neck in front of his groin to resemble a penis and mimed the action of urinating on a war memorial, remarking, “Look at me, I’m Philip Laing!”

Edwards has issued a statement of apology following the uproar surrounding the photo. “I am deeply sorry that this has happened, and I apologise unreservedly to all who I’ve offended. The frustrating thing for me is that I don’t usually carry a tomahawk around with me when I’m on a night out, but had brought one on this occasion because the rest of the lads were all bringing theirs. I was so drunk that I can’t even remember slaughtering the swan, when I woke up the next day I thought the bloodstains all over my clothes were just chilli sauce from a kebab. I am highly ashamed of myself.”

Edwards also commented that when he saw the photograph on Facebook he attempted to de-tag himself, but failed to do so as he got confused by the new site layout. As all British swans are the property of The Queen, Edwards’ punishment is likely to be public hanging. A trial date is yet to be set.